Monday, 6 May 2013

Page 1, Chapter 1, Book 2. Anyone willing to comment? :-)


CHAPTER 1

Alfiore, MareFloris – December                 

FREYA WILDE:

            I’ve almost got used to the girl with shoulder blade length dark hair and dark blue eyes, who watches me twisting her hair up into a random fluke at the back of her head and pinning it with a lapis lazuli clip.  Her name is Freya Adami; she has a MareFlorian birth certificate and travel documents and so do her father and three brothers.  They came down from Triaghetto in the north east of MareFloris to be with the Cavalieri boys when they lost their parents and sister in the attack.  I was the only one of us who needed the eye-dye as well as the hair; the exact same procedure they used on Gus in Anthar. 

            We wouldn’t be able to fake identities and documents now; everything’s tightened up since the collapse of the ice-sheets that took out twenty percent of OutLands coastal cities, including our St Andrews in Scotland.  They can’t rebuild St Andrews, it’s under twelve feet of North Sea as far as the hills.  London is being reconstructed up in the Chilterns in Oxfordshire, but the global economy is shattered and Albia, who can help, is still concealed under the ice down here in Antarctica. 

            We’re listed as ‘missing presumed dead’ and instead, we’re on the 2023 MareFlorian census as citizens of Albia.  Albia was a trusting and peaceful society; too trusting.  There was no census.  It was easy for Leo to track a family and create documents for us.  My mother was an artist who died, somewhat extraordinarily for Albia, in childbirth.  My father, Nathan Adami is a writer.  Dad wasn’t able to go into Julius’ department because there’s too much he doesn’t understand or know about telepathy; not least of which is that he can’t use it.  If Julius had been alive, he might have been able to teach him, or develop an implant. 

Thursday, 11 April 2013

Writing your way out of a fix

I think I'm going to recommend writing your way out of a fix/problem/uncertainty.  I've been reading, and fretting and re-writing disjointed sections of my story over the last months since early February, including writing four full chapters dealing with the death of two main subsidiary characters.  Whilst I believe they may be quite moving, they completely unbalanced the main action, so they're saved for future use.  Eventually, I've written my way out, I think.  Even if I end up rewriting it all, it'll have been a worthwhile effort.  I've learned things and I've got to know some of my characters better.  It's certainly much better than pacing around fretting, so yes, I'm recommending it.
 

Thursday, 4 April 2013

An extract from the middle

...As we get out of the truck, I turn to look at the town that will be drowned if the sea levels rise, snuggling into the jagged folds of the Andes, the lights from the houses twinkling against the black silhouette of the mountains.  'El fin del mundo.'  Then I turn to the vast expanse of ocean, gleaming pewter from the sinking sun; the slowly warming, relentless ocean.  Waves are crashing against the jetty, whipped up by a strong breeze which carries familiar smells like fish and salt water, along with unfamiliar ones which I can’t identify.  Boats knock against the wooden support posts, as we follow Leo to one with the same signage as the truck, Pesqueras del Fuego.  Alex puts our bags down once we’ve stepped onto the deck, and turns back to survey the scene. 

Inside the cabin Leo bends down and taps the wooden floor.  A panel slides back to reveal another, made of smooth silver grey metal, which also retracts.  He holds out his hand to me.

‘Do you want to go down first – this leads into our vessel.’

I climb down, threading the cold vertical handrail of the ladder through my fingers, until my feet touch a solid bottom.  Alex hands our bags down and my eyes begin to adjust to the surrounding.  Leo comes last and closes the hatch above.  We’re in what resembles the flight deck of an aeroplane.  There are three seats on one side of a narrow aisle and what looks rather like a low hospital bed on the other, and a space at the back where the bags have gone.  Leo sits down at the front and a control panel emerges and lights up.

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

End of the Day

Had a long writing day with some welcome encouragement via Twitter.  Going out to nice Lebanese restaurant in Oxford now.  Feel better - finally.  Think I can get this story back on track.  It's been a very difficult time Just Before Sunrise since February but I think I've made an adjustment towards the sci-fi end of my story and if I stick with that, it will bring it back on track. :-) xxx to anyone who passes this way.

Before

               

                From the coldness of space the object came to the end of its journey, flung out from the ever expanding universe on a path through the Via Lactea.  Eyes turned upwards from the edge of the cave, and the minds of the Cetae, shared the image of a great stream of fireballs, streaking into the third planet’s atmosphere.  Then the Cetae turned and led the QuintusHomini away, deep into the safety of their caves, while the earth shuddered and the oceans rose into mountains of water that crashed onto the land, drowning the mighty Sauri who had dominated their age.  In the lakeside caves of Albia, the southernmost continent, the Cetae swam to collect food and the QuintusHomini used their cunning five fingered hands to build fires to cook and keep warm in the great cold that followed the impact of the fireballs on Gaia.

 

                In the time spent together, the Cetae taught the QuintusHomini to open their minds and share images, and the voices which came from the throats and mouths of the QuintusHomini developed, so that a rich and intricate language grew between the two species.  And gradually the dark pall which spread over the surface of Gaia after the fireballs, dispersed, and they went back outside to see the sky and the stars. 

 

                As millennia passed, the Cetae preferred to travel the vast oceans while the QuintusHomini chose to move through the great caves and forests of the land.   As the QuintusHomini grew in intelligence and skills they began to argue amongst themselves.  Some longed for the freedom to travel, and grew envious of the Cetae.  They built boats and the Cetae led those who so desired, to other lands around Gaia, and they were never heard of again in the great island continent which came to rest finally, over the south pole, and was called Albia.

 

                As the third planet continued its journey around its central star, which they named Sol, the angle shifted and the two poles grew colder and new species emerged in all the planet’s continents, which were now separated by oceans.

 

                There was a time when the Cetae came into the lake entrance of the caves and showed the QuintusHomini images of what was to come; they created a vision of a frozen continent, underlain with majestic Albian cave systems, dazzling with granite and marble, silver and gold, lapis lazuli and agate in which the depth of Albia was rich.  The Cetae travelled around the waters of Albia to the three inlets where the QuintusHomini had gathered into communities and called a meeting in the west, which all the leaders attended, for they had begun to form orders amongst them and a hierarchy.

 

                The QuintusHomini had grown diverse in their separate communities in a way that the Cetae had not.  From the north came bronze skin that glowed in the sun and brown eyes with glossy black hair; in the east some had flame coloured hair and some had golden blonde, and all with green eyes like the ferns of the forests and pale delicate skin; in the west they had rich dark brown hair against warm toned skin and blue eyes of all the varieties found in the oceans and lakes on the planet.  By this they could recognise one another.  The peoples were clothed because of the growing chill in their land, and they wore skins taken from the animals which perished on their shores.

 

                The QuintusHomini saw and listened to the images from the Cetae in the caves of the west; the planet was tilting further in its orbit and it would grow frozen.  In a distant time there would be another impact, like the one that destroyed the Sauri, and the safety on such a planet would be under its rich earth.  The leaders of QuintusHomini saw that the Cetae’s vision was wise, and they chose names for their three tribes.  The north became IgnisAurum because their region was mountainous and seamed with gold and other precious metals, which their people had already begun to mine and work in fires.  The east chose TerraPlanus, for their lands were vast and flat, with fertile earth and minerals that ran in deep strata into their caves.  The leaders of the west chose MareFloris, remembering the flowers that grew on the land before the fireball, and how in the beginning of time, it was the fish that the Cetae brought from the sea, which kept them alive when Albia was in darkness.

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Nathan Bransford's Blog

It's little things like discovering a blog where people are going to be chatting about the things that now occupy my mind whenever I'm not working: POV, planning, pace, character depth, revisions, plot, language, dialogue and so on, that make my day.  This is a great project where the blogger, Nathan Bransford, is going to blog a blow by blow account of How to Write a Novel and Self Publishing.  I'm not up for the latter as I would like to find an agent when my first novel is finally at a stage where I think anyone will take it, but I'll still be interested in case at some future date...

Meanwhile, I've had a little flash of inspiration from the Antarctican Inspiration Fairy and am all fired up again after a bit of a bleak angsty patch.  Hooray. 

 

Saturday, 9 March 2013

Keeping Going and May The Force Be With You

Haven't been on this blog since before Christmas and the well twitter documented 'Christmas List' which turned into Christmas Carols such as 'Deck the Lists with Boughs of Holly' and 'I Saw Three Lists...' etc.  I had a lovely festive season with my gorgeous grown up children (my baby is nineteen, almost grown up, the other four are between 31 and 26).  And I did manage to write just before sunrise on most days. 

I was inspired by some very positive feedback from someone who was critiquing my completed novel.  In February however, my reader became too busy to continue with what is a very time consuming process, and had to stop.  Sadly it was at the moment at which they had also felt that the tale was not going in the right direction.  This naturally left me feeling very discouraged and uncertain about the entire novel.  I agreed with some although not all points, and have set about since then trying to decide how much I need to change the premise of the tale itself. 

Much of the last month has been spent rethinking plot areas, pace of events and level of unpleasantness (it's a YA) and overall tone.  I have tied myself up in knots, changed my mind, wondered if to rewrite it as an adult sci-fi, and then wondered if to leave it and begin another...but I can't because I love it and just want to make it good.  It's very hard!  And of course, people (friends) who don't write, don't understand at all and don't want to hear about it, they just get slightly embarassed because it clearly means so much to me - so it gets all bottled up. 

Now, I realise that few people will see this post, as I've never got around to developing my blog (one day I intend to, but I have to sort out my story first!) but, it was just good to ramble a little.  And also, I know I won't be the only one out there in writesphere struggling with exactly the same issues.  It isn't my job, I have a busy full time job as well, so time to do all this agonising is so limited!  I missed my turn off on the M40 on Wednesday morning because I had an idea about one of my characters! 

So - this morning it's about Keeping Going and remembering my maxim; it is my deep ambition to be published but my motivation for writing, is writing itself.  Today, I have the whole afternoon to myself to write and tomorrow, I have the whole day.  May The Force Be With Me ;-)